Loving It Means Living It
by TheGirlYouWishYouKnew5
Summary: It was all something I had seen before. It couldn't be coincidence... could it? I had let myself get into the mess. A victim of self destruction, but it wasn't enough to just take me down... Does it become your life by choice? Loving it means living it.
1. Preface

No.

* * *

It was all something I had seen before. It couldn't be coincidence... could it? I had let myself get into the mess. A victim of self destruction, but it wasn't enough to just take me down. Oh no. In the process, I had to destroy the people that meant the most to me. Seeing them caught up in a world I had willingly thrown myself into...

The culprit sat heavy in my hands. They were stained with the blood, mainly my own. But it weighed down each of my thoughts with each word just hitting me in the gut, back to where I started.

How did I let myself get in this far?

This deep?

A victim of passion?

How did my life transform into pages overnight?

Similar to the warnings I had read over and over again, yet became my instruction manual?

I looked down into my lap one more time and clutched to it harder. My knuckles turned white in protest. I threw it across the room, then it fell to the floor in a pile, pages flying out and gracefully floating down to the floor: my worst nightmare yet my entire life contained within the broken binding...

Twilight.

* * *

: ) Confused yet? Well, this is the story of someone who let a story become their life. Annabel devoted her life to the world of Twilight, then all the sudden, she sees her life turning into the story. The line between reality and fantasy becomes blurred as the story comes to life and off the page. The worst part is seeing her friends transform into characters that belong in a supernatural and superficial world. Loving it Means Living it.


	2. Blue

It was the Twilight revolution.

Copies of Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn could be found hiding inside textbooks during class, behind desks at work, and underneath boy's beds (their secret guilty pleasure).

However, I was one of the more... liberal fans. Every midnight party, release, and Twilight forum was a priority before school and work to my mother's dismay. Beginning of my Junior year, Twilight was as much of a comfort as ever, each worn page sought to fix my worries as I could disappear into the world I longed for. Part of my position as a liberal fan, I was a firm Edward supporter... but only for Bella, Jacob I preferred to keep to myself. Him: his sense of humor that had caused me to laugh out loud amid public places, and looks that, I'm sure, could kill. Most importantly, the sense of passion and desire that caused him to pursue Bella despite her rejections. I had often become fed up with the boys in reality, they were... just the average high school boys! Driven by short skirts, long legs, and never had the courage to make it happen. It was easy to scoff at date offers and turn down a possible relationship when you always had Jacob to turn to...

And that is how pathetic my life was. Except when it came to my super, awesome, amazing friends. Patient with every Twilight fanatic they had to deal with, it was a two for one deal. Annabel. Twilight. They just fit, two very happy peas in a pod.

I could feel his eyes staring at my face as it turned hot.

"What'cha doing?" Caleb questioned, "And don't bother lying by saying it's important."

"Fine then, you caught me."

We were riding the bus to school, being sixteen with a license doesn't change anything when you still don't have a car. Even on the first day of our junior year, we were both riding the bus to school. I blushed while I slipped the book back into my purse until he grabbed it from between my hands.

"Seriously, Annabel, how many times have you read this? Don't bother rounding down, because we've been watching you," he winked.

"Ummm... Only once or twice..."

We both laughed as he tossed my book back towards my purse, until it hit the ground and the binding snapped and a page flew out.

Suddenly, I cried out, "No!"

Even on the moving bus, I stood up screaming hysterically.

"Caleb! What were you thinking? Why would you throw that?"

He shrank back into his seat with his hands up defensively, "Sorry, girl. Calm down. It was just an accident," he placed the page back into the book and shut it, like nothing had changed. "Tah dah! It's fixed! Smile, smile, smile, or else."

I tried to forget the book and lighten up, but it was just plaguing my thoughts. My book. Twilight.

"Poke," he yanked my hair from his traditional bus seat behind me, "Besides we're here. Eight hours of torture! I couldn't possibly be more excited."

Oh how Caleb's excited jumping in the bus could scare me, but he looked like an innocent five year old. I would have joined him, except this was school we're talking about. Nothing innocent and fun about that. He escorted me off the bus into our gloomy future. Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad, what was sure to be a gloomy and dismal day.

The hallways were filled with new tans, haircuts, and the excitement of the first day of school. I couldn't disagree that it was fun seeing what everyone had been up to over the summer, including the flurry of brown long hair swinging ahead of me.

"Noah! Yoo hoo!"

I hollered at the girl ahead of me and winked in my best 'come hither' manner.

"Oh my girl! My love! My lady," Noah then began singing her undying love for me, yet again, despite the odd looks we got from the few freshmen who weren't used to this behavior.

"Lalalaaa... Anna-babe! How are you?"

Each syllable rang out in the hallways while Noah leaped to my side. Her hair was her signature item, which flowed a long dark brown past her waist. Bright green eyes twinkled with an innocence unattainable by others. Even Caleb tried to imitate Noah's bright stare and was only laughed at for trying.

"Oh the usual, just attempting to balance," I feigned at my lack of coordination. It wasn't exactly a secret when the same girl was tripping in the middle of the hallways everyday, "And you?"

"Just loving this place! Have they done something with the bland, white, concrete walls? Such exquisite taste! Makes me regret spending those months away in Colorado." Noah's optimism radiated from her with a slight hint of sarcasm.

"Man, I sure did miss seeing my two best-est buddies in the whole wide world together like this!" Caleb grabbed each of us in his arms and squeezed us into a bear hug without hesitating.

It wasn't like we were a clique, per say, but we did seek out each other naturally. Noah and I had always been each other's yin and yang. Her energy and faith complemented my studious and philosophical attitudes. I devoted hours at a time to dancing, while she sang her praises. We brought out the best sides of each other that had hidden in the shadows for too long.

Caleb was a long story. He had been an old friend's ex, so our circles would mesh at times. We just knew each other's faces, never the story. However, one summer, I walked into a house for a babysitting job for the first time, and who else would be playing dress up with two little girls than Caleb. That was three summers ago, and we had spent the rest of the summer, always coincidentally ending up together. Soon Caleb seemed to be apart of my life: in my lunches, on my bus, at my work. Since then, there has been no turning back or wavering in Caleb's loyalty.

Looking at my two friends, I couldn't help but to smile. They were the friends that I wasted the first eight years of my education looking for.

We marched off to class, arm in arm, going to our respective places. Noah pranced into drama, already stealing the stage. Caleb sidled to the back of his history class where he could sleep and not be bothered. I marched into my honors math class with pride, knowing I was in the place where one plus one always equals two. The set of rules, just like in all areas of my life, were at the core of who I was.

The familiar waves of greetings surrounded me as I looked for an empty desk, until a new set of eyes met mine. The blue eyes hypnotized me until I tripped, landing in a seat. Doing my best to pull that off as planned, I glanced back carefully and watched from a distance. A person couldn't miss a face like that. To double check, I decided knowing a name would settle this. Out of the 800 kids in our school, I could recognize the names of most after hearing announcements and people being talked about in the small town gossip. I tried to casually fling my pencil closer to his desk, so I could peek at his paper. One glance and I would know. Looking carefully, I reached for my pencil and saw it where it should be in the top right-hand corner.

Aiden Walker.


	3. Nothing At All

_ Just as I passed, he suddenly went rigid in his seat. He stared at me again, meeting my eyes with the strangest expression on his face- it was hostile, furious. I looked away quickly, shocked, going red again. I stumbled over a book in the walkway and had to catch myself on the edge of a table. The girl sitting there giggled._

_ I'd noticed that his eyes were black- coal black._

_ Mr. Banner signed my slip and handed me a book with no nonsense about instructions. I could tell we were going to get along. Of course, he had no choice but to send me to the one open seat in the middle of the room. I kept my eyes down as I went to sit..._

The bell rang, dismissing us for second period. I shut my book quickly and carefully after having spent the last fifteen minutes of class examining it for potential warning signs of serious damage after the Caleb incident. I might as well have been stroking the book, whispering, "My precious..."

Focusing on the task of Twilight was one of the few ways I had discovered could successfully distract me from the Greek god sitting in aisle four. It took an hour and thirty minutes of Calculus to figure that one out. Considering it was the first day anyways, no teacher was too worried about assigning homework or lessons so our minds could, simply, wonder.

I gathered my spiral and books as quickly as possible and made my way back towards the hallways where I started searching for that friendly face, but it found me first.

"Annabel! Get here, girl!"

Caleb was already waiting across the hallway, ready to help me fix my disheveled pile of books. He straightened them in my hands, so they wouldn't throw off my center of balance which wasn't too great in the first place.

"Thanks, Caleb."

I was grateful for the little things like this that he did for me. Usually I was trying to keep him in order, but balance and coordination were my vice.

He sighed, "Can the day just be over?"

I started laughing, "It's not like you're gonna learn anything anyways!"

Turning to me with a smile, "Exactly."

I watched his face as his eyebrows crinkled together with slight worry, but I before I could ask he was already smiling again, not missing a beat.

"Brainiac, where are you supposed to be heading off to?"

I glanced down at my scheduled taped to the inside of my spiral quickly, "Uhmmm... Health science or so it seems, and what about you?"

Casually, he examined the already crumpled paper and with wide eyes he yelled, "Oh crap! Gym! I gotta get myself to the facilities in three minutes and Coach likes us dressed before we-"

Before he could finish his sentence, Caleb was off down the hallway, pushing aside freshman if they couldn't move fast enough out of the way. I could still vaguely hear him muttering more cuss words that I didn't exactly appreciate.

"Where is lover boy running off to now?"

I turned to see Noah at my side. I was not sure how long she had been there, and she watched Caleb walk away with me.

I sighed exasperatedly, "Noah, I think it is well established that nothing is happening between me and Caleb or Caleb and me ever. Case closed."

"Annabel, you have a couple qualities that make you irresistible: intelligence, sophistication, a nice body, and -to top of the list- innocence and a slightly naive perspective," she smiled, but I was still unconvinced.

"Sure, we'll settle with that for now."

We were walking arm in arm to our next classes already, but I was plagued with thoughts for the remainder of my day.

Pressing my forehead against the warm glass of the bus window, I felt groggy and tired after thinking so much. Puzzling enough, the mysterious and elusive Aiden Walker was in several of my classes throughout the remainder of the day, always silent.

Caleb leaned forward and brushed some hair of my face, surprisingly close, and he began to study my face.

"Are you okay?" his eyes searched mine, truly caring.

I sighed, "Tired."

"Nice to know you're alive. What is the verdict? Are we going to survive junior year?"

The sudden change in attitude was shocking, but he returned back to his usual self with a care-free and humorous personality.

"I think we just might," I re-situated myself in the bus seat and turned around to see him full in the face.

My thoughts wandered briefly until Caleb interrupted, "Anything interesting happen today?"

I tried to figure out the most appropriate way to bring up the bright blue eyes across the walkway in Calculus: _Oh yes, in fact, may I bore you with details about a new boy-band crush of mine? Mr. McDreamy? Caleb, I'm sure you want to hear me pour over the details of our interactions which sums up to be him acknowledging me for five minutes while I picked up the pencil I had flung across the classroom, desperately. Lovely, just lovely._

Looking up from my hands which, had absentmindedly picking at a loose string on my jeans, I tried to smile and answered, "No, nothing at all."


End file.
